i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
