on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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