We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
