he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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