I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
