He uses pillows to masturbate.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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