phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
