I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
