I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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