I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
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The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
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The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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