I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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