I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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