$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Houston, we have a blender
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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