Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
