We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
