She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
