I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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