Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
