just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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