it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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