Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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