I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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