so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
