why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
