I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
