In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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