I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
