When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
