If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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