did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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