i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
