I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
