i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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