im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
