he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.