i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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