i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.