mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
