My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Randomize
