I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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