Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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