I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I lost the right to judge tonight
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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