so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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