my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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