a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
