I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
