a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
