You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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