i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
