I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
