I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
