I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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