I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
