And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
