We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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