Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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