Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
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They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
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How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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