getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
3 2 1 whiskey
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
