Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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