the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
