I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
