Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
