u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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