Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
