In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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