are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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