O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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