she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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