I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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