Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
