Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
