My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
