Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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