Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
