There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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