The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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