i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
